smh.............ok now this is really getting ridiculous........ this is going tobe another random ass, ranting ass blog......
so much to say..and all the time in the world
Disclaimer: alot of my rants recently have been about men. you know why? b/c i don't have any issues in any other dept...don't get me wrong mylif eisn't perfect, just perfect for me...i also like to voice the opinions of my fellow cohorts.....
the title speaks for itself. i'm about 2go back to being THE biggest BITCH the east coast has ever encountered.. these are the only women that seem to get any respect..and not just your average nose-in-the-air-attitude-with-the-world, bitch. I'm going to be a GHETTO ASS -nose-in-the-air-attitude-with-the-world, bitch..they seem to be the only women that get anything done. They get the all jobs/careers/ scholarship money to school/ all the men good ,bad ,and ugly....all the respect in the world.. and i have my own opinion as to why i think this is: nobody wants to cross or disrespect a female they know will break/burn some shit up if things dont go right. I mean really . lets think about it: if there was somebody you knew would: embarass you ANYWHERE, bust all the windows out your car (word to Jazmine"i-have-a-whole-style-team-and-i-still-wear-nappy-wigs-and-the-same-liquid-leggings -for -every-performance -Sullivan) call your mother and talk shit to her, fight any other person u decide to be with, cut/bleach/rip your clothes, go through your phone an call back all the numbers THEY dont recognize ( like it's not YOUR damn phone)... I mean do i have to go on???? These rats are the ones that get all the respect.
Now, when you're respectful, don't like to argue but would rather discuss any issue, would never think of disrespecting him in public cause you respect him too much as a man , respect his parents too much to EVER call cursing or disrespecting them, don't use the kids against him (if there are kids involved) in any circumstance, give him his space and time with friends when needed, you get NO RESPECT..I mean cant even get in the game. Attend practice daily but cant even get off the damn bench......smh.....it's really a shame....i know TOO many decent , scratch that, way above average women that cant even MEET decent men. and God forbid you take care of yourself *gasp* don't have your hair done, mani/pedi, nice wardrobe, car etc.....Oh God NO.....you're really not worth their time......so sad that alot the other sex doesn't feel "needed" or appreciated if they didn't help make you.......
so maybe if i become the ghetto bitch that will curse you out and break your shit, i'll get somewhere right???? NEVER
if the dummies can't meet me half way , AT LEAST.......I'm GOOD..any dude that allows a female to treat them like shit...is weak. low self -esteem, lack of self -confidence. whatever psychological term you want to use....my personality is too strong, heart is too big, hair stays laid and face TOO BEAT to deal with an anything ass, no standard having ninja....
i'm so over it it's pathetic
what i HAVE decided to do is be patient......
Dont' Fret!!! i have also devised a plan ladies; a plan for reverting back to " bitch-a-lisms"....(see below for a brief overview)
1) stop breaking your neck to answer the phone/respond to texts / @replies on twitter/fb status comments/myspace messages/bbm's..he can wait
even when you're not busy. ACT like you are
Think about how many times you've called and he " just wasn't by his phone", " didn't hear it ringing", " battery was dying" or just plain didnt answer it....w etake whatever pitiful ass excuse they give and then what we do? repeat the EXACT same behavior.... sending texts, calling fom other numbers ans hit then get mad when he answer the unknown joint..BITCH.BOO.BYE........stop it now
2)stop giving up the puss..... ESPECIALLY For NOTHING...<~~~~ another topic in itself< i digress...........
if it gets that bad, keep a couple vets in the cut for some throw -back action, but do NOT add to the numbers..or quiet as kept, u can contact me, i will take you to "the store" in georgetown, get you right......Translation: go to toy store/toy party with your friends <<<~~~~ will touch on this topic in the near future.
honestly though ladies, it's b/c of us and our Emmy Award performacesthat these ninjas think their sex is that deal anyway...i mean dudes SWEAR you are hooked and lose all mental capacity afterwards..Chile Cheese....
when reality is ....nevermind..(LOL)
3) set standards and KEEP them. Dont adjust shit for their asses
they don't do it for us. women give more benefits than: Aetna, Care First, Blue Cross / Blue Shield and whatever other insurance providers are out their..STAY giving passes ....CEASE FIRE....They don't give us a pass FOR ANYTHING
i think i'm done ..for now
feel free to add any comments
Loving Me, Loving Me, Loving Life
'Tis All
Me
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Peace(s) of me ...Pt.2 ALL MINE
*sighing* <~a good thing newbeginningsnewlovenewlifenewme...passionfruit, cookiemonsters. smith is still MY GIANT,larger than life ..
E ,MY heart...Jack,MY e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g..MYbutterfly has s p r e a d HER wings....Nik MY air........Vic, MY star
Cha Cha Mybaby little/BIGsister.....Angiebaby, sugarplum MY twin...MoMo, my sanity....JayB, my soul(sister)..his voice, MYcalm MYpeace....MY Champion, .....1433 MY refuge....Dyson MY wit, common sense.....Parler, MY motivation/inspiration...Taylor, MY rose....JoJo MY joy....Fats, MY baby MY siamese.......TiffLove (personified) MY ups when I'm down.......krisLaMa MY advice....MJ, MY giggles!.........
Happiness: MY laughter, MY joy, MY smile...MINE at last...
Peace: MY calm, MY spirit...MINE to have.
Life: MY faults, MY mistakes, MY experiences...MINE to live...
Love, MY heart, MY soul, My imperfections....MINE to give..........
-Me
I've been through alot , some you all know, some you will NEVER know..thankyou anyway...just because
*smooches*
E ,MY heart...Jack,MY e.v.e.r.y.t.h.i.n.g..MYbutterfly has s p r e a d HER wings....Nik MY air........Vic, MY star
Cha Cha Mybaby little/BIGsister.....Angiebaby, sugarplum MY twin...MoMo, my sanity....JayB, my soul(sister)..his voice, MYcalm MYpeace....MY Champion, .....1433 MY refuge....Dyson MY wit, common sense.....Parler, MY motivation/inspiration...Taylor, MY rose....JoJo MY joy....Fats, MY baby MY siamese.......TiffLove (personified) MY ups when I'm down.......krisLaMa MY advice....MJ, MY giggles!.........
Happiness: MY laughter, MY joy, MY smile...MINE at last...
Peace: MY calm, MY spirit...MINE to have.
Life: MY faults, MY mistakes, MY experiences...MINE to live...
Love, MY heart, MY soul, My imperfections....MINE to give..........
-Me
I've been through alot , some you all know, some you will NEVER know..thankyou anyway...just because
*smooches*
Monday, July 6, 2009
Butt Naked
*sigh*.........where do i begin...let me just warn you all now: i have alot to get of my chest.......
i title this particular piece "butt naked" because that is exactly how i've been feeling lately, ASS OUT... confused, not a fucking clue in the world... [bear with me family ]...so i was on the phone with one of the besties the other week and we both came to a startling revelation: its really fucked up out here. Especially dating wise...ALMOST a lose/lose situation: below i'm going to list some of the reasons/scenarios /types of people we discussed to come to this conclusion: (at the end comment and tell me if you can relate)
1) doesnt have a child,has children
ladies:now this doesn't have to be all bad . If they are taking care of the children and being honest about the relationship w/her .....*sideye*...... ok STOP RIGHT HERE let's be clear on the difference in baby muva relationships (yes I said muva): 1)if she's always calling YOU, always knows YOUR business, theres always something "wrong" with the kids, everything is so fucking urgent, mysteriously gets every number YOU have, pops up at the crib THEY ARE STILL FUCKING/SEXING/HAVING INTERCOURSE . whatever you want to call it. see, what he does is, he becomes a peacemaker. he will explian everything to u in a way so that u actually believe he's doing evertything to "keep the peace"(a.k.a not have to pay child support) what he's doing is leaving that window open so whenever he wants, he can call slim for sex. and not just any sex; raw/uncut/he-can-cum-in-her-as-much-as-he-wants-cause-she-already-had-his-baby sex......on the other hand if he does have kids and DOESNT do shit for them, and blames everything on his baby muva, then u have to question yourself for wanting to deal with a dead beat ass ninja
2) the "friend"...
this is my fave..im sure ya''ll have met a couple of these..."not-ready-for-a-relationship-but-i-want-to-do-everything-like-we're-in-one" ass ninjas... alot of times they appear to be "the one"..they woo you in with all the right words, conversation, outings; make you feel beautiful; all the compliments in the world, financially stable, great with family;.....*sigh*......basically all the things on your "list".......then one random day you all are having a convo, after you realize how much u like him and that's when he drops the bomb. 9/10 some ignorant, unappreciative hoodrat has made him this way b/c we all know men don't recover as well (if at all)..."he" doesnt want a relationship right now"; "not looking for anything with anyone"; "cherishes the friendship too much to mess it up" blahblah-freaking-blah....so now you're looking like a dickhead, completely confused on what to do about the situation and your feelings; you would think that someone so averse (<~~S.A.T word) to a relationship wouldn't conduct themselves in this way.......
now i will play Devil's Advocate for a moment( for the men): Alot of times in this situation ladies, they DO STATE THIS UPFRONT> but for some odd reason we think we might be the one to change it..... every female swears they have platinum puss that will change a man....NEGATIVE
3)"i got a girl/wife BUT............."
these pitiful ass ninjas here..smh.....these men almost make u not want a relationship......they are ALLEGEDLY so unhappy with their situation, but will nothing of the sort to leave it...."she doesn't understand him"; They're "always arguing"; "things just aren't the same"....so then they approach you like u have "SIDE JOINT" accros your forehead trying to sell you dreams, until one day you wake up : if he would do this to her, what makes me thinkg he won't do it to me?....you'r eprobably not the first or the LAST for that matter that he will use as a sub until the start of the game is ready to go back in..... and the MARRIED men????? FAIL....what gives these whorebags the nerve to approach you, WITH their ring on in public, like it's a regular piece of jewelry, an accessory, a David Yurman bangle (#shallowmoment)...they will tell you whatever but they are NEVER leaving their wife/girlfriend for you. whether he likes /loves or whatever other "L" word you want to substitue, HE'S NOT LEAVING. if he has money, he may buy you shit, take you places, blahblahblah, but SHE'S his wife/girl for a reason........and for real for real, if u could ask her, HER side of the story? please, she probably has her own list of reasons as to y she "always picks arguments" or is "acting differently"...knowing women she's probably BEEN dipping out on his ass.....<----whole other other topic
4) gay men that don't "know they're gay"
i don't have to elaborate too much on this one... questionable actions/phrases..and the fact you caught him playing in your pumps...(LOL I'm playing!!!.....maybe not.. *sideye*)
~~>this is just a few of the ones we came up with . feel free to add more in the comment section<~~
Now all men are not ALL bad. So ladies' if you have one, a GOOD one, appreciate him. Just like we go through things, so do they. They will never be perfect. NEVER...but the other side to that is, NEITHER WILL WE. Stop picking petty ass arguments, looking thru phones texts, e-mails, photos, chats; stop trying to piece info together on twitter/facebook/myspace/blackplanet and whatever else.....{you don't want to push him into the arms of a woman who doesn't mind being number 2, because you have to remember: as i stated in the beginning, it's difficult out here , dating wise; there aren't alot of "available" ,"decent" , "straight" men, that are willing to commit or even date to see what a friendship could develop into} It's definitely and "every woman for herself" world out here
...............now back to your crazy ass........
how are you going to explain that you found a phone number in a shoebox in the closet? or a bottle of women's perfume under the sink in the back of the cabinet,next to the spray clorox ,that was UNDER the cleaning rag?.. when you go LOOKINg,you will eventually find.. if he's good dude accept him, flaws and all. The relationship is not just about you.... love him , and love him hard. communicate, be his friend, show him he's worth it......
"BUTT NAKED"
i think I may have found the answer as to why it's so difficult. (for me at least)
I just realized how clueless i was to "dating"; why this is the hardest in life I've ever had to do. I don't know what i'm doing; don't know what to expect; don't know when to say when....there is no manual, no how to instructions. the person that was supposed to be my example has been non-existant my entire life...i never thought his presence was that important b/c in my eyes, especially at a younger age, moms had it covered. i never missed a beat; had everything i wanted and needed; still do. but a woman can NEVER be a man and vice versa...so as i embark on this journey of dating as an adult, with all the other bullshit i have to deal with in life, at least (in my opinion) i'm better equipped to handle those situations.....with work/career situations, i went to college:taught me critical thinking, time management, financial planning , to be socially diverse, and whtever other stuff my major entailed. but this dating thing, i'm so lost....i think the most frighteneing part about it , is that in dating, especially for women the older you get, there is really NO room for trial and error. Nobody ever looks at the promiscuous 12 year old and says " you know what, maybe she's looking for love in the wrong place", or the 16 year old that gets pregnant, maybe she wasn't being fast; maybe she thought that after 16 years of her life there was someone of the opposite sex that was attentive to her, and showed her, HER idea of what love was. Women never really get to bounce back the ,scarlet letter is permanent.....i don't know...maybe I'll figure it out, maybe ya'll will enlighten me.......
until then i'm going to continue to fall deeper inlove with myself, so when the time is right, i can be able to love somebody else......
*smooches*
until next time,
Loving me , Loving you , Loving life.
i title this particular piece "butt naked" because that is exactly how i've been feeling lately, ASS OUT... confused, not a fucking clue in the world... [bear with me family ]...so i was on the phone with one of the besties the other week and we both came to a startling revelation: its really fucked up out here. Especially dating wise...ALMOST a lose/lose situation: below i'm going to list some of the reasons/scenarios /types of people we discussed to come to this conclusion: (at the end comment and tell me if you can relate)
1) doesnt have a child,has children
ladies:now this doesn't have to be all bad . If they are taking care of the children and being honest about the relationship w/her .....*sideye*...... ok STOP RIGHT HERE let's be clear on the difference in baby muva relationships (yes I said muva): 1)if she's always calling YOU, always knows YOUR business, theres always something "wrong" with the kids, everything is so fucking urgent, mysteriously gets every number YOU have, pops up at the crib THEY ARE STILL FUCKING/SEXING/HAVING INTERCOURSE . whatever you want to call it. see, what he does is, he becomes a peacemaker. he will explian everything to u in a way so that u actually believe he's doing evertything to "keep the peace"(a.k.a not have to pay child support) what he's doing is leaving that window open so whenever he wants, he can call slim for sex. and not just any sex; raw/uncut/he-can-cum-in-her-as-much-as-he-wants-cause-she-already-had-his-baby sex......on the other hand if he does have kids and DOESNT do shit for them, and blames everything on his baby muva, then u have to question yourself for wanting to deal with a dead beat ass ninja
2) the "friend"...
this is my fave..im sure ya''ll have met a couple of these..."not-ready-for-a-relationship-but-i-want-to-do-everything-like-we're-in-one" ass ninjas... alot of times they appear to be "the one"..they woo you in with all the right words, conversation, outings; make you feel beautiful; all the compliments in the world, financially stable, great with family;.....*sigh*......basically all the things on your "list".......then one random day you all are having a convo, after you realize how much u like him and that's when he drops the bomb. 9/10 some ignorant, unappreciative hoodrat has made him this way b/c we all know men don't recover as well (if at all)..."he" doesnt want a relationship right now"; "not looking for anything with anyone"; "cherishes the friendship too much to mess it up" blahblah-freaking-blah....so now you're looking like a dickhead, completely confused on what to do about the situation and your feelings; you would think that someone so averse (<~~S.A.T word) to a relationship wouldn't conduct themselves in this way.......
now i will play Devil's Advocate for a moment( for the men): Alot of times in this situation ladies, they DO STATE THIS UPFRONT> but for some odd reason we think we might be the one to change it..... every female swears they have platinum puss that will change a man....NEGATIVE
3)"i got a girl/wife BUT............."
these pitiful ass ninjas here..smh.....these men almost make u not want a relationship......they are ALLEGEDLY so unhappy with their situation, but will nothing of the sort to leave it...."she doesn't understand him"; They're "always arguing"; "things just aren't the same"....so then they approach you like u have "SIDE JOINT" accros your forehead trying to sell you dreams, until one day you wake up : if he would do this to her, what makes me thinkg he won't do it to me?....you'r eprobably not the first or the LAST for that matter that he will use as a sub until the start of the game is ready to go back in..... and the MARRIED men????? FAIL....what gives these whorebags the nerve to approach you, WITH their ring on in public, like it's a regular piece of jewelry, an accessory, a David Yurman bangle (#shallowmoment)...they will tell you whatever but they are NEVER leaving their wife/girlfriend for you. whether he likes /loves or whatever other "L" word you want to substitue, HE'S NOT LEAVING. if he has money, he may buy you shit, take you places, blahblahblah, but SHE'S his wife/girl for a reason........and for real for real, if u could ask her, HER side of the story? please, she probably has her own list of reasons as to y she "always picks arguments" or is "acting differently"...knowing women she's probably BEEN dipping out on his ass.....<----whole other other topic
4) gay men that don't "know they're gay"
i don't have to elaborate too much on this one... questionable actions/phrases..and the fact you caught him playing in your pumps...(LOL I'm playing!!!.....maybe not.. *sideye*)
~~>this is just a few of the ones we came up with . feel free to add more in the comment section<~~
Now all men are not ALL bad. So ladies' if you have one, a GOOD one, appreciate him. Just like we go through things, so do they. They will never be perfect. NEVER...but the other side to that is, NEITHER WILL WE. Stop picking petty ass arguments, looking thru phones texts, e-mails, photos, chats; stop trying to piece info together on twitter/facebook/myspace/blackplanet and whatever else.....{you don't want to push him into the arms of a woman who doesn't mind being number 2, because you have to remember: as i stated in the beginning, it's difficult out here , dating wise; there aren't alot of "available" ,"decent" , "straight" men, that are willing to commit or even date to see what a friendship could develop into} It's definitely and "every woman for herself" world out here
...............now back to your crazy ass........
how are you going to explain that you found a phone number in a shoebox in the closet? or a bottle of women's perfume under the sink in the back of the cabinet,next to the spray clorox ,that was UNDER the cleaning rag?.. when you go LOOKINg,you will eventually find.. if he's good dude accept him, flaws and all. The relationship is not just about you.... love him , and love him hard. communicate, be his friend, show him he's worth it......
"BUTT NAKED"
i think I may have found the answer as to why it's so difficult. (for me at least)
I just realized how clueless i was to "dating"; why this is the hardest in life I've ever had to do. I don't know what i'm doing; don't know what to expect; don't know when to say when....there is no manual, no how to instructions. the person that was supposed to be my example has been non-existant my entire life...i never thought his presence was that important b/c in my eyes, especially at a younger age, moms had it covered. i never missed a beat; had everything i wanted and needed; still do. but a woman can NEVER be a man and vice versa...so as i embark on this journey of dating as an adult, with all the other bullshit i have to deal with in life, at least (in my opinion) i'm better equipped to handle those situations.....with work/career situations, i went to college:taught me critical thinking, time management, financial planning , to be socially diverse, and whtever other stuff my major entailed. but this dating thing, i'm so lost....i think the most frighteneing part about it , is that in dating, especially for women the older you get, there is really NO room for trial and error. Nobody ever looks at the promiscuous 12 year old and says " you know what, maybe she's looking for love in the wrong place", or the 16 year old that gets pregnant, maybe she wasn't being fast; maybe she thought that after 16 years of her life there was someone of the opposite sex that was attentive to her, and showed her, HER idea of what love was. Women never really get to bounce back the ,scarlet letter is permanent.....i don't know...maybe I'll figure it out, maybe ya'll will enlighten me.......
until then i'm going to continue to fall deeper inlove with myself, so when the time is right, i can be able to love somebody else......
*smooches*
until next time,
Loving me , Loving you , Loving life.
Monday, June 15, 2009
DON'T JUDGE ME
I'm one of my moods so I feel like writing................
"DONT JUDGE ME"
This phrase is somewhat of disclaimer, to back up any buffoonery, excuse any stupidity, give a pass for any and all of the crazy bullshit that I do, or to just give you a second to htink before you comment or respond on something i've done or said; a slight reminder that you've done some bullshit in your life as well.....It's ok, you can borrow it..............
*depending on how hungry I am, I will eat a "snack" while I'm cooking or waiting for something to heat up...so what
*I laugh at people....all the time though..I'm trying to stop , Really; I am ( no I'm not)
* I STILL go to the g0-go...ALL THE TIME...and I prefer them to the wack ass " i'm spending my whole check on an outfit and one bottle that I'm not going to drink I'm just going to stunt and hold this bottle all night" clubs or the "i have nothing else to offer so i'm going to dress like a sleeze and pray i can catch a joint in here" lounges....Every go-go is a party .....and yes u will find me and the other cunts sprinkled throughout, dressed for homicide, in a pump, hair layed , face beat ,partying like it's 1999.... so what....sue me
* I will spend my LAST on cosmetics......and /or a shoe....I actually see it as an investment in my career and future entrepeneural pursuits...
* I text and tweet in church....only during "commercial brakes"
*I can't stand foreign ppl.....I hate trying to decipher and put together sentences out of broken English and a heavy accent...just boils my blood
*I call all Chinese People ...."the China Man".....ignorance at it's finest..i know
*I frown upon men in coupes or "mini trucks" that should be coupes and i HATE "crossover" vehicles> the only acceptable one in my book is the cadillac joint( non-acceptable ie: Rav4, Escape ,Forrester) with a few exceptions.....
*i buy cookie dough to eat raw.....haven't actually baked a cookie in ages
* i'm late for church almost every Sunday, because I "have to run to Target really quickly for something"..............
*"Natural people"get on my nerves......I call them 'Bahamadia's or Nashi- Ramba's (frm that episode of Martin)
*i hate feet but am always lookin at other people's....i can't for the life of me understand how some people aren't embarrased to show those monstrosities
i think i'm done for now>>>>>>
FEEL FREE
Sometimes Shallow, Always loving,
Me
*
"DONT JUDGE ME"
This phrase is somewhat of disclaimer, to back up any buffoonery, excuse any stupidity, give a pass for any and all of the crazy bullshit that I do, or to just give you a second to htink before you comment or respond on something i've done or said; a slight reminder that you've done some bullshit in your life as well.....It's ok, you can borrow it..............
*depending on how hungry I am, I will eat a "snack" while I'm cooking or waiting for something to heat up...so what
*I laugh at people....all the time though..I'm trying to stop , Really; I am ( no I'm not)
* I STILL go to the g0-go...ALL THE TIME...and I prefer them to the wack ass " i'm spending my whole check on an outfit and one bottle that I'm not going to drink I'm just going to stunt and hold this bottle all night" clubs or the "i have nothing else to offer so i'm going to dress like a sleeze and pray i can catch a joint in here" lounges....Every go-go is a party .....and yes u will find me and the other cunts sprinkled throughout, dressed for homicide, in a pump, hair layed , face beat ,partying like it's 1999.... so what....sue me
* I will spend my LAST on cosmetics......and /or a shoe....I actually see it as an investment in my career and future entrepeneural pursuits...
* I text and tweet in church....only during "commercial brakes"
*I can't stand foreign ppl.....I hate trying to decipher and put together sentences out of broken English and a heavy accent...just boils my blood
*I call all Chinese People ...."the China Man".....ignorance at it's finest..i know
*I frown upon men in coupes or "mini trucks" that should be coupes and i HATE "crossover" vehicles> the only acceptable one in my book is the cadillac joint( non-acceptable ie: Rav4, Escape ,Forrester) with a few exceptions.....
*i buy cookie dough to eat raw.....haven't actually baked a cookie in ages
* i'm late for church almost every Sunday, because I "have to run to Target really quickly for something"..............
*"Natural people"get on my nerves......I call them 'Bahamadia's or Nashi- Ramba's (frm that episode of Martin)
*i hate feet but am always lookin at other people's....i can't for the life of me understand how some people aren't embarrased to show those monstrosities
i think i'm done for now>>>>>>
FEEL FREE
Sometimes Shallow, Always loving,
Me
*
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
What's Love Got To Do With It????
Good Morning babies!!!!!
Been a while, I apologize...............sooo much going on, but it's exciting!!!
Today we are going to get into some serious shit....Men and women have had this "issue" for decades, eternity even........
A few weeks ago i was posed a question by my bf:
Been a while, I apologize...............sooo much going on, but it's exciting!!!
Today we are going to get into some serious shit....Men and women have had this "issue" for decades, eternity even........
A few weeks ago i was posed a question by my bf:
"how do you set standards without making the next man feel like he's paying for the previous man's mistake? "
warning: this will have alot of rambling, ranting, emotion, personal opinions , scenarios [ you get the picture]...
here we go
First things first , the problem is: standards need to be set in the beginning...if we set clear standards and hold ourselves accountable noone will have to pay for anything b/c there will be a clear set of "rules" for every person. As i engaged in my daily dose of social networking(Twitter) and interesting topic was brought to my attention: basically, in a nutshell, "women don't know what makes them happy." I couldn't disagree or agree with this statement more (attitude forming as I write *smile*) ..............I always play devil's advocate.....now , for those like me, whose fathers were actually just sperm donors, we didn't have the "normal " example of a man. So my "happiness" may come from more trial and error; But at 26 , i am very aware of the things that warm my heart. Now for anyone that may not know: make a list, write that shit down. That's what I did. Now the problem arises when we deviate from what we know we want. Ladies , we do this all the time especially during this recession. [sidebar: the recession does not only refer to monetary issues. There is a recession when it comes to the dating pool as well]
Now my list ( and the other cunts will tell you ) is to HERE and I am not ashamed to share some of it with you: ( no particular order)
1)larger than life: when i say i like the biggest ninja in the building??? that's what i mean....i love height and thickness ( fanning myself) i love it ..I'm 5'9..220 , in flats soooo.....
2) certain level of spirituality: doesn't have to be a deacon at a church, but some type of relationship with God
3)personality: i love to laugh, be mentally challeneged and charmed...if u have all of these....check!
4) ambition/goals: ok so i understand everyone may not have wanted to attend or finish college, but you HAVE to have a plan; goals and follow through to make up for it
5) open-minded: i like to do any and everything and will try almost anything once..a man who will be open to different things or even do them just so he doesnt hear my mouth.....(lol)
ok so these are just a few of the "list to there" that i have..............
fast forward to the present....i think i've "him"......let me first explain to you what "HIM" means: that person that every one told you u were crazy for thinking they existed, HIM; the one dude that makes you raise whatever standards you had or create new ones u didn't have, HIM........YUP found him.....Now dont get me wrong I'm not walking down the aisle next week, matter of fact, he's not even my dude. But the things I've learned about men and myself just from interacting with "HIM"....................
NOW i'm about to get really personal ( as if I don't any other time right).....over the years i have come to realize one common flaw in all females: WE NEVER THINK WE DO ANYTHING WRONG. We will be ready to read a dude in a second; " why do you have that on?" " i know youre getting your haircaut before we go" "when are you going to get a job?" "When are you getting a new job" "Why don't you wear ______(fill in the blank) like this" "I don't like your friends", " You get on my nerves".............. But think about if he said the same stuff to us?? the only thing a woman MIGHT have sympathy for with a man is sex; and that's ONLY if we really like you.....men willl lie to make u to make u feel good in that too small dress when he really wants to tell you you look like a water buffallo, he can't stand any of your loud hating ass friends, he has the car he has b/c it was given to him by his parents and he doesn't have a car note and he's trying to find a way to keep money in his pocket for all the bags and pumps he's spoiled your as with over the years.....but of course we don't think this way.....it's ok it too me14 years to figure this much out and there's still a wealth of information to be discovered ( dont worry I'll share)>>>>>>soooooooo back to "him"
when i tell ya'll this ninja exposes everything about me, just because he knows how to be so real with me. Ya'll know exactly what I mean too: when they call you boo while they're cursing you out?or check ur ass/put u in your place then kiss you to signify that it's the end of the convo and not up for discussion,?<--------one of my faves; Complain about how long you take to get dressed, while giving you a time frame in which u need to be ready for dinner at a restaurant that HE picked out?? HEAVEN, ok????? BUT.........there's the parts of me that i try to keep hidden......here goes....I have a horrible time trusting ppl, not even just men, and i keep as much to myself that i can until i absoultely have to expose it. Haven't been completely open and honest from the beginning in AGES....by that i mean, I won't lie to you, but i won't tell you unless you ask me either.....scarred i guess...petrified of bearing (?) my soul for another ninja to play me? Chile Please;Me give my all for a dude that doesn't know how to appreciate it even a little? *sideeye* yeah ok; be all hype and shit from a couple cute outings, spend all my time with him for him to tell me he "doesn't want a relationship right now" ( mind u no sex involved) u have me fucked up, royally.... so i had eventually become the woman i never wanted to be with the same characteristsics of the same men i complained about.......this this ninja comes along........called me out on all my shit. ALL OF IT, and it's sad because i THOUGHT i had pin pointed all of my flaws and had begun to work on them..but you know what? i've never been happier to find out, (or have someone else point them out)...........*cue "Flaws & All" Beyonce*..................so I thank and appreciate"Him" .....you get all the Reeses and Gatorade/Vitamin Water in the world.....*muah*....
feel free to comment, I actually want you to voice you comments /concerns/thought/feelings
'til next time
LOVING ME, LOVING YOU, LOVING LIFE,
ME
Friday, May 29, 2009
Questions: Interrogative Statements
yup another one....already ..less than an hour apart..so what! ya'll aren't doing anything...it's Friday!!!!
so I was listening to R.Kelly yesterday right, and I realized he shouts out "DJ Wayne Williams" all the damn time.....who is this dude and why have i never seen him?.....don't believe me? 2 examples off the top: the remix to "ignition" on chocolate factory and "sex planet "on the double up album...i'm just saying
so this one is going to be strictly questions: stuff i think but never verbalize......BEWARE
THESE WILL COME FROM ALL ANGLES/TOPICS; FROM ALL THE CORNERS OF MY SCATTERED BRAIN....GOT IT? cool
here we go:
1) this one i used to always ask myself: why am I so ashamed of my "thickness" and wont wear certain things when Rasputia's lumpy ass is in the club with a wife beater on as a dress and stars on her nipples? don't the biggest, sloppiest females wear the least amount of clothing???
2) why is it people with the most f-ed up teeth smile the most??? I'm trying to practice a cute smile with these train tracks on my teeth daily, while they have NO shame
3) why do all the uneducated, ghettoest, unemployed females get the buns with the money that pay all their bills?
4) why do we ( ladies especially) get mad when propositioned for sex, but will screw a lame, broke joint in the blink of an eye? [sidebar: not promoting prostitution in anyway, i'm just saying make em pay to play ...]
5) why are pretty women the most unhappy , insecure creatures alive ( by the way i'm not pretty, i'm beautiful, so i don't have these issues)
6) why do short men love tall thick women??? "excuse me sir, you have to be this tall (fill in the blank__________________)
7) why do white people smell like mashed potatoes, ( INSTANT mashed potatoes, the just add water and stir kind) and wet puppies when they sweat??
8) why do foreigners smell like old bay , curry and seasoned salt
9) why do african women ( that i see) wear 4 packs of synthetic curly tracks usually in #33(burnt orange( yes burnt) or spiced cognac for you hoodrats, #30 ( light brown, dk blonde) or 1B(off black dingy ass brown)? and the closure is never in the middle of the head, always by the hairline?
10)why is it when u don't have any money, you see all the stuff you would buy but when u have it to spend ain't shit looking right??
11) why does american apparel charge 40 for leggings? furthermore, why do i buy them?
12)why can't people smell their own breath? how does ones breath smell like diarrhea anyway?
13) how do people wear sandals and not get a pedicure?? i mean no polish or anything? thats how u feel?
14) why did Gina have to say something? Martin was the best show ever? she couldn't have just taken one for the team? im sayin.......
15) why do we call people by their character name? more importantly Why do these actors/actresses get mad when we do? Rudy played Rudy for 35 years on the Cosby show but wants to correct people and tell them her name is keyshia....*side eye* you will be rudy until you do something else meaningful with your career....i'm sure you don't have a problem collecting and cashing those checks for when you played Rudith Lillian Huxtable in all the re-runs airing on nick at nite, tv land and tbs......GURL BANG
16)why isn't there a wet willies in DC?
17) WHY do spanish people ( women and children to be exact) wear velvet skirts, and summer blouses?? with HEELYS....to church???
18) why couldn't kevin hart be 6'5 and single?
19)how is lebron built like a greek god?? and why didn't i go to high school with him?? shout out to savannah (sp)<<<------ that's one lucky bitty 20) how come t-boz hair and color have NEVER been heathy? i mean never
21) when is chilli going to let the baby hair go?
22) why can't some people just accept their situations and revel in them? oh you need examples?? of course: Ray-J , just be brandy's little brother; cassie, stay beautiful, screwing puff and be fly, ciara, be a dancer for B, Justin, Missy or Janet....get it? i mean solange is the only sibling that's doing her damn thing! as far as arm candy/showpieces/trophies? you guessed it, amber " i got all these bitches wanting a shaved head" rose......now if she attempts and album, or movie role ???.....*rollinmyeyes* we'll discuss if it happens. pay attention folks
23)when are you going to let go of old shit?
24) when am I going to tell him how i really feel?
25) is Black Thought, from The Roots, single?
26)why do ppl buy fake things? it's not that serious
27) why do all the people that work the drive- thru speak minimal english?
28) why do spanish men dress like ac slater in the summer? tanks with the big arm holes ( MUST BE TUCKED IN), stone washed tapered ankle jeans with pleats by the pockets and LA gears or British Knights?
29)why do i prefer texting to talking?
ok that's it.... for now.........
feel free to comment with some of your own questions......
Ciao
P.S. I warned you in the first one. I have shallow moments...so what! put the gavel DOWN . DON'T JUDGE ME
so I was listening to R.Kelly yesterday right, and I realized he shouts out "DJ Wayne Williams" all the damn time.....who is this dude and why have i never seen him?.....don't believe me? 2 examples off the top: the remix to "ignition" on chocolate factory and "sex planet "on the double up album...i'm just saying
so this one is going to be strictly questions: stuff i think but never verbalize......BEWARE
THESE WILL COME FROM ALL ANGLES/TOPICS; FROM ALL THE CORNERS OF MY SCATTERED BRAIN....GOT IT? cool
here we go:
1) this one i used to always ask myself: why am I so ashamed of my "thickness" and wont wear certain things when Rasputia's lumpy ass is in the club with a wife beater on as a dress and stars on her nipples? don't the biggest, sloppiest females wear the least amount of clothing???
2) why is it people with the most f-ed up teeth smile the most??? I'm trying to practice a cute smile with these train tracks on my teeth daily, while they have NO shame
3) why do all the uneducated, ghettoest, unemployed females get the buns with the money that pay all their bills?
4) why do we ( ladies especially) get mad when propositioned for sex, but will screw a lame, broke joint in the blink of an eye? [sidebar: not promoting prostitution in anyway, i'm just saying make em pay to play ...]
5) why are pretty women the most unhappy , insecure creatures alive ( by the way i'm not pretty, i'm beautiful, so i don't have these issues)
6) why do short men love tall thick women??? "excuse me sir, you have to be this tall (fill in the blank__________________)
7) why do white people smell like mashed potatoes, ( INSTANT mashed potatoes, the just add water and stir kind) and wet puppies when they sweat??
8) why do foreigners smell like old bay , curry and seasoned salt
9) why do african women ( that i see) wear 4 packs of synthetic curly tracks usually in #33(burnt orange( yes burnt) or spiced cognac for you hoodrats, #30 ( light brown, dk blonde) or 1B(off black dingy ass brown)? and the closure is never in the middle of the head, always by the hairline?
10)why is it when u don't have any money, you see all the stuff you would buy but when u have it to spend ain't shit looking right??
11) why does american apparel charge 40 for leggings? furthermore, why do i buy them?
12)why can't people smell their own breath? how does ones breath smell like diarrhea anyway?
13) how do people wear sandals and not get a pedicure?? i mean no polish or anything? thats how u feel?
14) why did Gina have to say something? Martin was the best show ever? she couldn't have just taken one for the team? im sayin.......
15) why do we call people by their character name? more importantly Why do these actors/actresses get mad when we do? Rudy played Rudy for 35 years on the Cosby show but wants to correct people and tell them her name is keyshia....*side eye* you will be rudy until you do something else meaningful with your career....i'm sure you don't have a problem collecting and cashing those checks for when you played Rudith Lillian Huxtable in all the re-runs airing on nick at nite, tv land and tbs......GURL BANG
16)why isn't there a wet willies in DC?
17) WHY do spanish people ( women and children to be exact) wear velvet skirts, and summer blouses?? with HEELYS....to church???
18) why couldn't kevin hart be 6'5 and single?
19)how is lebron built like a greek god?? and why didn't i go to high school with him?? shout out to savannah (sp)<<<------ that's one lucky bitty 20) how come t-boz hair and color have NEVER been heathy? i mean never
21) when is chilli going to let the baby hair go?
22) why can't some people just accept their situations and revel in them? oh you need examples?? of course: Ray-J , just be brandy's little brother; cassie, stay beautiful, screwing puff and be fly, ciara, be a dancer for B, Justin, Missy or Janet....get it? i mean solange is the only sibling that's doing her damn thing! as far as arm candy/showpieces/trophies? you guessed it, amber " i got all these bitches wanting a shaved head" rose......now if she attempts and album, or movie role ???.....*rollinmyeyes* we'll discuss if it happens. pay attention folks
23)when are you going to let go of old shit?
24) when am I going to tell him how i really feel?
25) is Black Thought, from The Roots, single?
26)why do ppl buy fake things? it's not that serious
27) why do all the people that work the drive- thru speak minimal english?
28) why do spanish men dress like ac slater in the summer? tanks with the big arm holes ( MUST BE TUCKED IN), stone washed tapered ankle jeans with pleats by the pockets and LA gears or British Knights?
29)why do i prefer texting to talking?
ok that's it.... for now.........
feel free to comment with some of your own questions......
Ciao
P.S. I warned you in the first one. I have shallow moments...so what! put the gavel DOWN . DON'T JUDGE ME
Feel Good Friday..........
I woke up from my 2 hour slumber feeling amazing!! That ever happen to you?? I mean cheesing, geeking for no visible reason?! well that was me at 5a.m......the babies ( my dogs ) looking at me like "sit your happy ass down"...LOL..... on my commute to the plantation this morning, as i blast rick ross( a must have for the summer by the way) [sidebar: did i say plantation? i meant concentration camp. in all aspects of the word] i digress, moving on-------> i realized why: i am extremely happy! i mean at a point where I can smile and show all my teeth, braces and all.....i mean not that half ass smile, the ugly one, (my students call it the Mary Kay smile), the 5th-grade-your-mom-pressed-your-hair-and-you-sweated-it-out-at-recess-after -she-told-your-ass-to -chill-b/c-of -school-pictures-and-you-looked-like-a-bamma-in-the-christmas-gift-your-wack-ass-aunt-gave-you smile;where u dont show your teeth and it barely reaches you eyes; ya'll know the one you give that bitch you don't like at work but you HAVE to be "professional"?? NOT that smile.......but the sincere smile that makes your cheeks hurt, and your eyes partially close; the smile that's evident when you think of "him" or "her"; the expression you show when the baby at the store smiles at you for no apparent reason;the smile that sends chills directly to your heart, and raises those little hairs on your arm...Ya'll know what I mean..THAT SMILE!! that's what I'm feeling today and i wanted to share it with you.......I love this feeling, the capacity to feel this emotion and know that that it can be permanent if I CHOOSE.... I realized I have chosen to be happy; chosen to be positive. Chose to be alive rather than just living......
Think about your choices ....after all, they are YOURS.....
As I close, I leave you with the bronzer, mascara, and lipgloss [sidebar: most would say "vitamin", "inspration," neccessities right? like breakfast right? well these are MY morning must-haves, my breakfast...and should be every other woman's as well------>>> whole different topic right??? LLS RAM-BLING]
This is also another piece I read often, whenever I CHOOSE to doubt myself, my dreams, and sometimes my faith:
Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are,
doesn't mean you shine any less.
Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can't be topped,
doesn't stop you from being the best.
Just because no one has come along to share your life,
doesn't mean that day isn't coming.
Just because no one has made the race worthwhile,
doesn't give you permission to stop running.
Just because no one has realized how much of an awesome person you are
doesn't mean they affect your physicality
Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level,
doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs.
Just because you deserve the best there is,
doesn't mean that life is always fair.
Just because God is still preparing your king/queen
doesn't mean that you are not already royalty.
Just because you're situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now,
doesn't mean you need to change a thing.
Keep shining, keep running, keep hoping, and keep praying.
Keep being exactly what you are already. COMPLETE.
-T.D. Jakes
Loving me , Loving you , Loving Life,
Smooches,
me
Think about your choices ....after all, they are YOURS.....
As I close, I leave you with the bronzer, mascara, and lipgloss [sidebar: most would say "vitamin", "inspration," neccessities right? like breakfast right? well these are MY morning must-haves, my breakfast...and should be every other woman's as well------>>> whole different topic right??? LLS RAM-BLING]
This is also another piece I read often, whenever I CHOOSE to doubt myself, my dreams, and sometimes my faith:
Just because no one has been fortunate enough to realize what a gold mine you are,
doesn't mean you shine any less.
Just because no one has been smart enough to figure out that you can't be topped,
doesn't stop you from being the best.
Just because no one has come along to share your life,
doesn't mean that day isn't coming.
Just because no one has made the race worthwhile,
doesn't give you permission to stop running.
Just because no one has realized how much of an awesome person you are
doesn't mean they affect your physicality
Just because no one has shown up who can love you on your level,
doesn't mean you have to sink to theirs.
Just because you deserve the best there is,
doesn't mean that life is always fair.
Just because God is still preparing your king/queen
doesn't mean that you are not already royalty.
Just because you're situation doesn't seem to be progressing right now,
doesn't mean you need to change a thing.
Keep shining, keep running, keep hoping, and keep praying.
Keep being exactly what you are already. COMPLETE.
-T.D. Jakes
Loving me , Loving you , Loving Life,
Smooches,
me
Thursday, May 28, 2009
peace of me : hate that i love it
i was inspired by my twin to do one of these...........titled "peace of me" b/c this writing thing is very therapeutic for me, brings a certain peace, when I let it all out..................get it? good
i live in a fantasy world so keep your reality away from me.....dreamer.....hopeless romantic [ and when i say hopeless i mean NO HOPE] love to give love but not too sure of how to receive it.reciprocity is a bitch......i AM happy. i am joy....a ball of contradictions: bitchy but sweet as pie [peach cobbler even, g-ma's at that]<-------rambling.........shy, but , cocky as hell when needed....a vixen in my own right......sassy..ocd about certain shit...dyslexic, but love to read and can solve math problems on sight................hate girly stuff but adore being a woman....can't jump double dutch but will dog you in basketball......flyest 16 you will ever meet.....want a wedding but not the marriage ( i think)...scared to death of fire......but love the smell of one burning....hate the winter, but love snow... spring/fall are my fave , seasons of visible change.......i hate that i cry at everything but very seldom show emotions..........i love people just because .........love to sing but you'll never hear it....i love my father despite his pitiful ass attempt at being a man....believe in love at first sight.....wealthiest, baddest ,broke bitch you have ever encoutered....i want to hold hands.......i love the chase....my personality is contagious , there should be a vaccine .....split personalities and alter egos.......don't care what you think about me but will ask your opinion......i lust..i am a gay man in a woman's body..want to be a housewife....the world is my stage , i am constantly holding auditions....label whore but not materialistic....i will just because....MY friends ( not yours) are the dopest bitties you will never meet....u hate me and i can give 2 shits ( maybe 3)....what GOD has for me is for me ( and your jealous because of it).......i fear no person........i love my mom past death cause there's life after it......i am life i'm royalty cause my Father's a king( take your bow).........
i love me ; how could you not?
*smooches*
me
i live in a fantasy world so keep your reality away from me.....dreamer.....hopeless romantic [ and when i say hopeless i mean NO HOPE] love to give love but not too sure of how to receive it.reciprocity is a bitch......i AM happy. i am joy....a ball of contradictions: bitchy but sweet as pie [peach cobbler even, g-ma's at that]<-------rambling.........shy, but , cocky as hell when needed....a vixen in my own right......sassy..ocd about certain shit...dyslexic, but love to read and can solve math problems on sight................hate girly stuff but adore being a woman....can't jump double dutch but will dog you in basketball......flyest 16 you will ever meet.....want a wedding but not the marriage ( i think)...scared to death of fire......but love the smell of one burning....hate the winter, but love snow... spring/fall are my fave , seasons of visible change.......i hate that i cry at everything but very seldom show emotions..........i love people just because .........love to sing but you'll never hear it....i love my father despite his pitiful ass attempt at being a man....believe in love at first sight.....wealthiest, baddest ,broke bitch you have ever encoutered....i want to hold hands.......i love the chase....my personality is contagious , there should be a vaccine .....split personalities and alter egos.......don't care what you think about me but will ask your opinion......i lust..i am a gay man in a woman's body..want to be a housewife....the world is my stage , i am constantly holding auditions....label whore but not materialistic....i will just because....MY friends ( not yours) are the dopest bitties you will never meet....u hate me and i can give 2 shits ( maybe 3)....what GOD has for me is for me ( and your jealous because of it).......i fear no person........i love my mom past death cause there's life after it......i am life i'm royalty cause my Father's a king( take your bow).........
i love me ; how could you not?
*smooches*
me
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Self -Inventory
Greetings Family!!!
I've been gone for a minute, but I'm back like I left my car keys......
Today's vibe is going to be a little different for me......I've been going through sooo much for the past year, good and better. ( never bad, no negativity here).....
Pay attention ;I'm about to give you the goods......
A couple of months ago I made one of the biggest decisions in my entire life: I decided to pursue my dreams fulltime..With the advice of close friends, support from some, and inspiration of one, I chose to no longer use something else as a crutch or an excuse, in the delay of my personal pursuit of happiness....this has been a constant internal debate I've had for about a year now....don't get me wrong, I love my current job. I mean LOVE it..never a dull moment, met one of my closest friends there and I have grown soo much as a person, wouldn't trade the experience for the world; learning alot during this time in my life. and I felt like sharing....
LESSON #1
Now I have been going to church since I was a little girl, and absolutely loved it, still do.... I consider myself more spiritual than religious. As I've gotten older, gone through some situations , experienced some things, I feel this part of me has matured.....growing up in private school I've always known the very technical side of religion AND spirituality..where certain rituals/traditions come from, different parts that people and events played in the evolution of what we call religion and its denominations...but it hasn't been until the last couple of years that, that I have been able to experience God ( that's what I call him) through different eyes. I began praying,(talking to God) as if I was on the phone with one of my bf's. I mean cursing, crying, laughing, everything......And you know what I realized? that that is perfectly fine with Him....he never stated how to come, he just wants us to come, you know? I went through a period ,recently actually, where I didn't WANT go to church much, I went, but didn't WANT to be there; like God was watching me and I would disappoint HIM by not being there, like I'm doing HIM a favor(smh).... mine (my church that is) is going through some things, and I had everything negative in the world to say:every complaint in the world, from the length of service, to how the word /message was or wasn't being delivered (as if i could do better) , to the dry ass senior choir( and I do mean dry) to the crying ass newborns, who's mother wont take their whining asses out of the sanctuary. I mean I felt as if I wasn't getting anything out of service...wanted to look for a new church to go to, b/c something had to be wrong with these people......well let me just say when this Man speaks, if you're quiet long enough, answers will be revealed as clearly as the topcoat they put on your nails at the nail place. My answer: I wasn't getting anything OUT of church/service, because I wasn't bringing anything IN to the church/service; I couldn't find any joy in what was said and I wasn't receiving anything b/c I wasn't making myself available to receive it. I didn't have anytime to tell HIM how thankful I was for the food I had at home cause I was too busy complaining about being hungry; couldn't find a way to thank him for my career, cause i was too busy complaining about all the little things wrong with it; I wasn't paying attention to the words of the song because I was so pre-occupied with how it was being sung; Maybe that baby crying was a miracle in itself because she wasn't even supposed to make it passed her mother's womb; And those screams and that whining? may be her mother's only reminder that she has something to live for while she's contemplating suicide... I really came to realize that in order for a rainbow to come there has to be rain........so simple in words, but difficult in practice..
These , revelations we'll call them , opened my eyes to other areas in my life , like relationships ....
LESSON #2
Relationship: n., a connection, association, or involvement between one or more person or thing; a form of dependence....Our relationships with God or anyone/anything else shouldn't be one-sided; it's imperative that we bring something to them even if it's just oursleves....I am now learning to apply this to work, school and more importantly, my more intimate relationships ( this is another topic in itself). I'm learning to be patient and wait n God to move; talk less amd listen more; laugh more and enjoy things for what they are rather than complain and frown upon things not understood....I have a new found confidence in myself because I have realized who I am and the authority I was born with. We were all born with the same authority. I'm not ashamed of who I am , how I look, of making mistakes, or not knowing. Many of us are terrified of pursuing dreams and other goals because of fear of the unknown and/or inexperience. Inexperience is what makes a young man do what an older man says is impossible...Fear and faith can't reside in the same space , just as light can't exist in darkness....Hope is a wish, a longing for something not now possessed but with an expectation of getting it. Faith adds to the expectation of hope. Don't be afraid to hope or dream ; Start to pursue your happiness.....
I'm done rapping you up ,(for now) but ,I want to leave you with a poem, by Mother Theresa, I read daily( or try to at least): ( feel free to copy and paste)
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend time building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it's between you and God:
It was never between you and them anyway.....
Until next time,
Loving me , Loving you, Loving life,
*smooches*
Me
I've been gone for a minute, but I'm back like I left my car keys......
Today's vibe is going to be a little different for me......I've been going through sooo much for the past year, good and better. ( never bad, no negativity here).....
Pay attention ;I'm about to give you the goods......
A couple of months ago I made one of the biggest decisions in my entire life: I decided to pursue my dreams fulltime..With the advice of close friends, support from some, and inspiration of one, I chose to no longer use something else as a crutch or an excuse, in the delay of my personal pursuit of happiness....this has been a constant internal debate I've had for about a year now....don't get me wrong, I love my current job. I mean LOVE it..never a dull moment, met one of my closest friends there and I have grown soo much as a person, wouldn't trade the experience for the world; learning alot during this time in my life. and I felt like sharing....
LESSON #1
Now I have been going to church since I was a little girl, and absolutely loved it, still do.... I consider myself more spiritual than religious. As I've gotten older, gone through some situations , experienced some things, I feel this part of me has matured.....growing up in private school I've always known the very technical side of religion AND spirituality..where certain rituals/traditions come from, different parts that people and events played in the evolution of what we call religion and its denominations...but it hasn't been until the last couple of years that, that I have been able to experience God ( that's what I call him) through different eyes. I began praying,(talking to God) as if I was on the phone with one of my bf's. I mean cursing, crying, laughing, everything......And you know what I realized? that that is perfectly fine with Him....he never stated how to come, he just wants us to come, you know? I went through a period ,recently actually, where I didn't WANT go to church much, I went, but didn't WANT to be there; like God was watching me and I would disappoint HIM by not being there, like I'm doing HIM a favor(smh).... mine (my church that is) is going through some things, and I had everything negative in the world to say:every complaint in the world, from the length of service, to how the word /message was or wasn't being delivered (as if i could do better) , to the dry ass senior choir( and I do mean dry) to the crying ass newborns, who's mother wont take their whining asses out of the sanctuary. I mean I felt as if I wasn't getting anything out of service...wanted to look for a new church to go to, b/c something had to be wrong with these people......well let me just say when this Man speaks, if you're quiet long enough, answers will be revealed as clearly as the topcoat they put on your nails at the nail place. My answer: I wasn't getting anything OUT of church/service, because I wasn't bringing anything IN to the church/service; I couldn't find any joy in what was said and I wasn't receiving anything b/c I wasn't making myself available to receive it. I didn't have anytime to tell HIM how thankful I was for the food I had at home cause I was too busy complaining about being hungry; couldn't find a way to thank him for my career, cause i was too busy complaining about all the little things wrong with it; I wasn't paying attention to the words of the song because I was so pre-occupied with how it was being sung; Maybe that baby crying was a miracle in itself because she wasn't even supposed to make it passed her mother's womb; And those screams and that whining? may be her mother's only reminder that she has something to live for while she's contemplating suicide... I really came to realize that in order for a rainbow to come there has to be rain........so simple in words, but difficult in practice..
These , revelations we'll call them , opened my eyes to other areas in my life , like relationships ....
LESSON #2
Relationship: n., a connection, association, or involvement between one or more person or thing; a form of dependence....Our relationships with God or anyone/anything else shouldn't be one-sided; it's imperative that we bring something to them even if it's just oursleves....I am now learning to apply this to work, school and more importantly, my more intimate relationships ( this is another topic in itself). I'm learning to be patient and wait n God to move; talk less amd listen more; laugh more and enjoy things for what they are rather than complain and frown upon things not understood....I have a new found confidence in myself because I have realized who I am and the authority I was born with. We were all born with the same authority. I'm not ashamed of who I am , how I look, of making mistakes, or not knowing. Many of us are terrified of pursuing dreams and other goals because of fear of the unknown and/or inexperience. Inexperience is what makes a young man do what an older man says is impossible...Fear and faith can't reside in the same space , just as light can't exist in darkness....Hope is a wish, a longing for something not now possessed but with an expectation of getting it. Faith adds to the expectation of hope. Don't be afraid to hope or dream ; Start to pursue your happiness.....
I'm done rapping you up ,(for now) but ,I want to leave you with a poem, by Mother Theresa, I read daily( or try to at least): ( feel free to copy and paste)
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend time building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it's between you and God:
It was never between you and them anyway.....
Until next time,
Loving me , Loving you, Loving life,
*smooches*
Me
Thursday, May 21, 2009
A new day
First giving honor to God......lol!! Hey fam!!! I'm back
Let me begin, We have alot to cover today. A couple of "sightings", couple of violations, a little this a little that....
disclaimer: thi sis being used as my virtual diary, again My thoughts, My opinions
follow me: yesterday was an eventful one ( in more ways than one) .Event 1) my twin (Champ) made me aware that we have been working with Star Jones (pre -gastric) for a whole school year> when i say "pre"<>> moving on, so in she walks with this "tassled tank" and a comb back and *BAM* that was it: David Ruffin, From The Temptations, the movie..so in actuality SHE looks like LEON playing David Ruffin. I mean she's giving him a serious run for his money>>>> lady in the front office? Dead Ringer for Ms. Tobias, Lean on Me, yup that's her...... >>>>>lastly one of my students is definitely giving Katt Williams, flip( correction FLOPPED) ear bob. Pimp Chronicles 1 and 2......ok i'm done...for now
anywho............
This weekend passed , I had one of the most memorable weekends of my life. I was afforded the opportunity to attend THE POWDER GROUP'S Make Up convention in NY. Nothing short of AMAZING... Beat my face, Lay my hair, Snatch my brow, make sure my lashes are to HERE, cland close the MF-ing casket...I literally died an went to MAKE UP HEAVEN!!!!!!!! Fabulosity for days; not only the speakers and representatives but those in attendance: Red -bottoms , bags and beat faces GALORE!!!!!!!!!! The classes were just as interesting as the people: My absolute fave was conducted by the Queen of Snatch: Eugenia Weston of Senna Cosmetics. Let me tell you about Ms. Weston: not only did she break down the technicalities of eye brow "construction/de-construction" ( for lack of better words), but she gave points/angles of reference on the face , tips on filling in with powder and pencil, lessons on waxing vs. tweezing... I mean I could go on for DAYS....but the part in which I gagged [ no literally choked on my tongue, and after I swallowed my spit , threw up in my mouth again) SHE CHARGES $75.OO....FOR BROWS!! and she did not hesitate to tell us she has at LEAST 1,000 clients a week. [sidebar: calculations $75/person x 1,000 clients= $150,000 every 2 weeks.......( I'll wait for you to finish wiping the drool from your chin , cause I know your wouth is open) ].....Nevertheless, she has further motivated me in MY quest............ (PICS WILL BE POSTED ONCE I HAVE TIME TO UPLOAD TO THE COMPUTER)
My advice, whether you beat it like a cop, beat faces into boxes , or beat those masks to the ground; professional ,amateur or whatever category you put yourself in, I mean even if you just like to 'play' in make up, THIS show, event, experience is so neccessary to your well-being.................... I will keep you abreast of other dates and events. cool?....cool
As i prepare to serve the benediction, I leave you with words of wisdom and inspiration:
"If you're living in the past, you're living in a place that doesn't exist....."
Whatever you've been through, that's just it: you've been THROUGH it. You are no longer there...Everyday is a new day, full of possibilities, hope, and new experiences. That argument you had with your friend/signficant other/mom/boss? over it: The baby you had at 19, or the abortion you had last week? over ; the drugs you used or spouse you cheated on? over; the child you neglected/gave up/didn't know how to love? over. LEARN FROM IT;DON'T LIVE IN IT................Each day God chooses to wake you up, is a blank canvas.....take advantage of it...make the best of your TODAY your RIGHT NOW.....tomorrow is never promised....... .
Now. May the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart........LOL!!
Loving me, Loving you , Loving life
*muah*
Let me begin, We have alot to cover today. A couple of "sightings", couple of violations, a little this a little that....
disclaimer: thi sis being used as my virtual diary, again My thoughts, My opinions
follow me: yesterday was an eventful one ( in more ways than one) .Event 1) my twin (Champ) made me aware that we have been working with Star Jones (pre -gastric) for a whole school year> when i say "pre"<>> moving on, so in she walks with this "tassled tank" and a comb back and *BAM* that was it: David Ruffin, From The Temptations, the movie..so in actuality SHE looks like LEON playing David Ruffin. I mean she's giving him a serious run for his money>>>> lady in the front office? Dead Ringer for Ms. Tobias, Lean on Me, yup that's her...... >>>>>lastly one of my students is definitely giving Katt Williams, flip( correction FLOPPED) ear bob. Pimp Chronicles 1 and 2......ok i'm done...for now
anywho............
This weekend passed , I had one of the most memorable weekends of my life. I was afforded the opportunity to attend THE POWDER GROUP'S Make Up convention in NY. Nothing short of AMAZING... Beat my face, Lay my hair, Snatch my brow, make sure my lashes are to HERE, cland close the MF-ing casket...I literally died an went to MAKE UP HEAVEN!!!!!!!! Fabulosity for days; not only the speakers and representatives but those in attendance: Red -bottoms , bags and beat faces GALORE!!!!!!!!!! The classes were just as interesting as the people: My absolute fave was conducted by the Queen of Snatch: Eugenia Weston of Senna Cosmetics. Let me tell you about Ms. Weston: not only did she break down the technicalities of eye brow "construction/de-construction" ( for lack of better words), but she gave points/angles of reference on the face , tips on filling in with powder and pencil, lessons on waxing vs. tweezing... I mean I could go on for DAYS....but the part in which I gagged [ no literally choked on my tongue, and after I swallowed my spit , threw up in my mouth again) SHE CHARGES $75.OO....FOR BROWS!! and she did not hesitate to tell us she has at LEAST 1,000 clients a week. [sidebar: calculations $75/person x 1,000 clients= $150,000 every 2 weeks.......( I'll wait for you to finish wiping the drool from your chin , cause I know your wouth is open) ].....Nevertheless, she has further motivated me in MY quest............ (PICS WILL BE POSTED ONCE I HAVE TIME TO UPLOAD TO THE COMPUTER)
My advice, whether you beat it like a cop, beat faces into boxes , or beat those masks to the ground; professional ,amateur or whatever category you put yourself in, I mean even if you just like to 'play' in make up, THIS show, event, experience is so neccessary to your well-being.................... I will keep you abreast of other dates and events. cool?....cool
As i prepare to serve the benediction, I leave you with words of wisdom and inspiration:
"If you're living in the past, you're living in a place that doesn't exist....."
Whatever you've been through, that's just it: you've been THROUGH it. You are no longer there...Everyday is a new day, full of possibilities, hope, and new experiences. That argument you had with your friend/signficant other/mom/boss? over it: The baby you had at 19, or the abortion you had last week? over ; the drugs you used or spouse you cheated on? over; the child you neglected/gave up/didn't know how to love? over. LEARN FROM IT;DON'T LIVE IN IT................Each day God chooses to wake you up, is a blank canvas.....take advantage of it...make the best of your TODAY your RIGHT NOW.....tomorrow is never promised....... .
Now. May the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart........LOL!!
Loving me, Loving you , Loving life
*muah*
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
the makings of me......an informal introduction
Crazy, sexy, cool.....charismatic even..Words that I' ve heard ,( and actually liked *wink*) that have been used to describe me...WELCOME!!!!!!! to my thoughts, my feelings, and opinions on any AND EVERYTHING: make up, fashion, life, love, sex, sprituality, relationships, food.( you get the point) Enough already, to the juice:
I am 26 year old stallion, ( yup I said it) repeat: STALLION ,from the home of the Terrapins, Wizards, and Caps. Though I don't swear by the Zodiac, a pisces to the fullest extent .I'm trying this blog thing out because I have been told I have a very interesting view on life ,events and people involved...
BELOW ARE MY RULES OF ENGAGEMENT ( every relationship has standards right? state em up front...lesson 1 [we'll discuss inmore detail at a later date] )
SHOWTIME in : 5.....4.....3....2....
1) You may not always agree with my points of view but guess what, THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS!!! It's been a hell of a journey for me to get to the place where I can express myself freely, in words and actions, and not give a rat's ass about who agrees or disagrees. [* sidebar: I curse randomly; Especially if I feel it adds a better affect and gets my point across; They're just words, get over it]
2)I may ramble on about a topic, or even have random outbursts I like to mask under the word "sidebar" These will always be in [brackets ]. see #1 for example
3) I am very detail oriented, when I want to be, I will describe something until I feel you have a clear visual , like a digital camera (Nikon preferrably, my choice, COOLPIX<<<
4)I combine things and make up words, but vow to always give you the formula so you can understand the derivatives> Example: co-worker of mine has this particular pair of shoes: (follow me on this) they are k-swiss with grips on the sole; but not just any sole, a TIMBERLAND sole....( in know I gagged too) so I call them K-SWIMBS.
K-SWISS+ TIMBERLANDS (TIMBS)+ K-SWIMBS....got it?
5) and 6) My friends and I name people and can find a celebrity/ tv character look-a-like in anyone!! ( and I know character names and real names of EVERYONE) I use "circa" even when it's not a date/time period. EXAMPLE: "her hair was giving Sydney, circa House Party 1" so then you visualize natural hair with a "kelly kapowski" fringe, that looks as if it WAS pressed but has sweated out and there was an attempted revival of this mess..got it?
7) I play church, but am dead serious at the same time.. I will qoute a scripture, hymn, spiritual whenever I see fit..and I mean WHENEVER
8) tho i am a stickler 4 grammar , punctuation and sub/verb agreement, i sometimes get lazy and don't feel like thinking about that stuff. so if i miss something, GET OVER IT ,im sure you all werent spelling bee champs...
9) I am addicted to crime /mystery shows ie: CSI , Law and Order (all 35 of them), Criminal Minds etc..) so you will hear/see me say Exhibit A,B,C dependin gon the severity , I migh en dup at Z and back to A2 (squared)
10)I qoute songs and movies often.......
11) I strive to remain positive and find humor in all things
I hope you are as excited as I am!!
This should be fun
LOVE,
ME
P.S. all of my afterthoughts , even in person will be accompanied by "P.S."
I am 26 year old stallion, ( yup I said it) repeat: STALLION ,from the home of the Terrapins, Wizards, and Caps. Though I don't swear by the Zodiac, a pisces to the fullest extent .I'm trying this blog thing out because I have been told I have a very interesting view on life ,events and people involved...
BELOW ARE MY RULES OF ENGAGEMENT ( every relationship has standards right? state em up front...lesson 1 [we'll discuss inmore detail at a later date] )
SHOWTIME in : 5.....4.....3....2....
1) You may not always agree with my points of view but guess what, THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS!!! It's been a hell of a journey for me to get to the place where I can express myself freely, in words and actions, and not give a rat's ass about who agrees or disagrees. [* sidebar: I curse randomly; Especially if I feel it adds a better affect and gets my point across; They're just words, get over it]
2)I may ramble on about a topic, or even have random outbursts I like to mask under the word "sidebar" These will always be in [brackets ]. see #1 for example
3) I am very detail oriented, when I want to be, I will describe something until I feel you have a clear visual , like a digital camera (Nikon preferrably, my choice, COOLPIX<<<
4)I combine things and make up words, but vow to always give you the formula so you can understand the derivatives> Example: co-worker of mine has this particular pair of shoes: (follow me on this) they are k-swiss with grips on the sole; but not just any sole, a TIMBERLAND sole....( in know I gagged too) so I call them K-SWIMBS.
K-SWISS+ TIMBERLANDS (TIMBS)+ K-SWIMBS....got it?
5) and 6) My friends and I name people and can find a celebrity/ tv character look-a-like in anyone!! ( and I know character names and real names of EVERYONE) I use "circa" even when it's not a date/time period. EXAMPLE: "her hair was giving Sydney, circa House Party 1" so then you visualize natural hair with a "kelly kapowski" fringe, that looks as if it WAS pressed but has sweated out and there was an attempted revival of this mess..got it?
7) I play church, but am dead serious at the same time.. I will qoute a scripture, hymn, spiritual whenever I see fit..and I mean WHENEVER
8) tho i am a stickler 4 grammar , punctuation and sub/verb agreement, i sometimes get lazy and don't feel like thinking about that stuff. so if i miss something, GET OVER IT ,im sure you all werent spelling bee champs...
9) I am addicted to crime /mystery shows ie: CSI , Law and Order (all 35 of them), Criminal Minds etc..) so you will hear/see me say Exhibit A,B,C dependin gon the severity , I migh en dup at Z and back to A2 (squared)
10)I qoute songs and movies often.......
11) I strive to remain positive and find humor in all things
I hope you are as excited as I am!!
This should be fun
LOVE,
ME
P.S. all of my afterthoughts , even in person will be accompanied by "P.S."
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