Butt Naked

*sigh*.........where do i begin...let me just warn you all now: i have alot to get of my chest.......





i title this particular piece "butt naked" because that is exactly how i've been feeling lately, ASS OUT... confused, not a fucking clue in the world... [bear with me family ]...so i was on the phone with one of the besties the other week and we both came to a startling revelation: its really fucked up out here. Especially dating wise...ALMOST a lose/lose situation: below i'm going to list some of the reasons/scenarios /types of people we discussed to come to this conclusion: (at the end comment and tell me if you can relate)








1) doesnt have a child,has children



ladies:now this doesn't have to be all bad . If they are taking care of the children and being honest about the relationship w/her .....*sideye*...... ok STOP RIGHT HERE let's be clear on the difference in baby muva relationships (yes I said muva): 1)if she's always calling YOU, always knows YOUR business, theres always something "wrong" with the kids, everything is so fucking urgent, mysteriously gets every number YOU have, pops up at the crib THEY ARE STILL FUCKING/SEXING/HAVING INTERCOURSE . whatever you want to call it. see, what he does is, he becomes a peacemaker. he will explian everything to u in a way so that u actually believe he's doing evertything to "keep the peace"(a.k.a not have to pay child support) what he's doing is leaving that window open so whenever he wants, he can call slim for sex. and not just any sex; raw/uncut/he-can-cum-in-her-as-much-as-he-wants-cause-she-already-had-his-baby sex......on the other hand if he does have kids and DOESNT do shit for them, and blames everything on his baby muva, then u have to question yourself for wanting to deal with a dead beat ass ninja












2) the "friend"...



this is my fave..im sure ya''ll have met a couple of these..."not-ready-for-a-relationship-but-i-want-to-do-everything-like-we're-in-one" ass ninjas... alot of times they appear to be "the one"..they woo you in with all the right words, conversation, outings; make you feel beautiful; all the compliments in the world, financially stable, great with family;.....*sigh*......basically all the things on your "list".......then one random day you all are having a convo, after you realize how much u like him and that's when he drops the bomb. 9/10 some ignorant, unappreciative hoodrat has made him this way b/c we all know men don't recover as well (if at all)..."he" doesnt want a relationship right now"; "not looking for anything with anyone"; "cherishes the friendship too much to mess it up" blahblah-freaking-blah....so now you're looking like a dickhead, completely confused on what to do about the situation and your feelings; you would think that someone so averse (<~~S.A.T word) to a relationship wouldn't conduct themselves in this way.......



now i will play Devil's Advocate for a moment( for the men): Alot of times in this situation ladies, they DO STATE THIS UPFRONT> but for some odd reason we think we might be the one to change it..... every female swears they have platinum puss that will change a man....NEGATIVE







3)"i got a girl/wife BUT............."



these pitiful ass ninjas here..smh.....these men almost make u not want a relationship......they are ALLEGEDLY so unhappy with their situation, but will nothing of the sort to leave it...."she doesn't understand him"; They're "always arguing"; "things just aren't the same"....so then they approach you like u have "SIDE JOINT" accros your forehead trying to sell you dreams, until one day you wake up : if he would do this to her, what makes me thinkg he won't do it to me?....you'r eprobably not the first or the LAST for that matter that he will use as a sub until the start of the game is ready to go back in..... and the MARRIED men????? FAIL....what gives these whorebags the nerve to approach you, WITH their ring on in public, like it's a regular piece of jewelry, an accessory, a David Yurman bangle (#shallowmoment)...they will tell you whatever but they are NEVER leaving their wife/girlfriend for you. whether he likes /loves or whatever other "L" word you want to substitue, HE'S NOT LEAVING. if he has money, he may buy you shit, take you places, blahblahblah, but SHE'S his wife/girl for a reason........and for real for real, if u could ask her, HER side of the story? please, she probably has her own list of reasons as to y she "always picks arguments" or is "acting differently"...knowing women she's probably BEEN dipping out on his ass.....<----whole other other topic



4) gay men that don't "know they're gay"



i don't have to elaborate too much on this one... questionable actions/phrases..and the fact you caught him playing in your pumps...(LOL I'm playing!!!.....maybe not.. *sideye*)







~~>this is just a few of the ones we came up with . feel free to add more in the comment section<~~



Now all men are not ALL bad. So ladies' if you have one, a GOOD one, appreciate him. Just like we go through things, so do they. They will never be perfect. NEVER...but the other side to that is, NEITHER WILL WE. Stop picking petty ass arguments, looking thru phones texts, e-mails, photos, chats; stop trying to piece info together on twitter/facebook/myspace/blackplanet and whatever else.....{you don't want to push him into the arms of a woman who doesn't mind being number 2, because you have to remember: as i stated in the beginning, it's difficult out here , dating wise; there aren't alot of "available" ,"decent" , "straight" men, that are willing to commit or even date to see what a friendship could develop into} It's definitely and "every woman for herself" world out here

...............now back to your crazy ass........



how are you going to explain that you found a phone number in a shoebox in the closet? or a bottle of women's perfume under the sink in the back of the cabinet,next to the spray clorox ,that was UNDER the cleaning rag?.. when you go LOOKINg,you will eventually find.. if he's good dude accept him, flaws and all. The relationship is not just about you.... love him , and love him hard. communicate, be his friend, show him he's worth it......





"BUTT NAKED"

i think I may have found the answer as to why it's so difficult. (for me at least)



I just realized how clueless i was to "dating"; why this is the hardest in life I've ever had to do. I don't know what i'm doing; don't know what to expect; don't know when to say when....there is no manual, no how to instructions. the person that was supposed to be my example has been non-existant my entire life...i never thought his presence was that important b/c in my eyes, especially at a younger age, moms had it covered. i never missed a beat; had everything i wanted and needed; still do. but a woman can NEVER be a man and vice versa...so as i embark on this journey of dating as an adult, with all the other bullshit i have to deal with in life, at least (in my opinion) i'm better equipped to handle those situations.....with work/career situations, i went to college:taught me critical thinking, time management, financial planning , to be socially diverse, and whtever other stuff my major entailed. but this dating thing, i'm so lost....i think the most frighteneing part about it , is that in dating, especially for women the older you get, there is really NO room for trial and error. Nobody ever looks at the promiscuous 12 year old and says " you know what, maybe she's looking for love in the wrong place", or the 16 year old that gets pregnant, maybe she wasn't being fast; maybe she thought that after 16 years of her life there was someone of the opposite sex that was attentive to her, and showed her, HER idea of what love was. Women never really get to bounce back the ,scarlet letter is permanent.....i don't know...maybe I'll figure it out, maybe ya'll will enlighten me.......



until then i'm going to continue to fall deeper inlove with myself, so when the time is right, i can be able to love somebody else......







*smooches*

until next time,



Loving me , Loving you , Loving life.