Self -Inventory

Greetings Family!!!

I've been gone for a minute, but I'm back like I left my car keys......


Today's vibe is going to be a little different for me......I've been going through sooo much for the past year, good and better. ( never bad, no negativity here).....

Pay attention ;I'm about to give you the goods......

A couple of months ago I made one of the biggest decisions in my entire life: I decided to pursue my dreams fulltime..With the advice of close friends, support from some, and inspiration of one, I chose to no longer use something else as a crutch or an excuse, in the delay of my personal pursuit of happiness....this has been a constant internal debate I've had for about a year now....don't get me wrong, I love my current job. I mean LOVE it..never a dull moment, met one of my closest friends there and I have grown soo much as a person, wouldn't trade the experience for the world; learning alot during this time in my life. and I felt like sharing....

LESSON #1
Now I have been going to church since I was a little girl, and absolutely loved it, still do.... I consider myself more spiritual than religious. As I've gotten older, gone through some situations , experienced some things, I feel this part of me has matured.....growing up in private school I've always known the very technical side of religion AND spirituality..where certain rituals/traditions come from, different parts that people and events played in the evolution of what we call religion and its denominations...but it hasn't been until the last couple of years that, that I have been able to experience God ( that's what I call him) through different eyes. I began praying,(talking to God) as if I was on the phone with one of my bf's. I mean cursing, crying, laughing, everything......And you know what I realized? that that is perfectly fine with Him....he never stated how to come, he just wants us to come, you know? I went through a period ,recently actually, where I didn't WANT go to church much, I went, but didn't WANT to be there; like God was watching me and I would disappoint HIM by not being there, like I'm doing HIM a favor(smh).... mine (my church that is) is going through some things, and I had everything negative in the world to say:every complaint in the world, from the length of service, to how the word /message was or wasn't being delivered (as if i could do better) , to the dry ass senior choir( and I do mean dry) to the crying ass newborns, who's mother wont take their whining asses out of the sanctuary. I mean I felt as if I wasn't getting anything out of service...wanted to look for a new church to go to, b/c something had to be wrong with these people......well let me just say when this Man speaks, if you're quiet long enough, answers will be revealed as clearly as the topcoat they put on your nails at the nail place. My answer: I wasn't getting anything OUT of church/service, because I wasn't bringing anything IN to the church/service; I couldn't find any joy in what was said and I wasn't receiving anything b/c I wasn't making myself available to receive it. I didn't have anytime to tell HIM how thankful I was for the food I had at home cause I was too busy complaining about being hungry; couldn't find a way to thank him for my career, cause i was too busy complaining about all the little things wrong with it; I wasn't paying attention to the words of the song because I was so pre-occupied with how it was being sung; Maybe that baby crying was a miracle in itself because she wasn't even supposed to make it passed her mother's womb; And those screams and that whining? may be her mother's only reminder that she has something to live for while she's contemplating suicide... I really came to realize that in order for a rainbow to come there has to be rain........so simple in words, but difficult in practice..

These , revelations we'll call them , opened my eyes to other areas in my life , like relationships ....


LESSON #2
Relationship: n., a connection, association, or involvement between one or more person or thing; a form of dependence....Our relationships with God or anyone/anything else shouldn't be one-sided; it's imperative that we bring something to them even if it's just oursleves....I am now learning to apply this to work, school and more importantly, my more intimate relationships ( this is another topic in itself). I'm learning to be patient and wait n God to move; talk less amd listen more; laugh more and enjoy things for what they are rather than complain and frown upon things not understood....I have a new found confidence in myself because I have realized who I am and the authority I was born with. We were all born with the same authority. I'm not ashamed of who I am , how I look, of making mistakes, or not knowing. Many of us are terrified of pursuing dreams and other goals because of fear of the unknown and/or inexperience. Inexperience is what makes a young man do what an older man says is impossible...Fear and faith can't reside in the same space , just as light can't exist in darkness....Hope is a wish, a longing for something not now possessed but with an expectation of getting it. Faith adds to the expectation of hope. Don't be afraid to hope or dream ; Start to pursue your happiness.....


I'm done rapping you up ,(for now) but ,I want to leave you with a poem, by Mother Theresa, I read daily( or try to at least): ( feel free to copy and paste)

People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend time building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it's between you and God:
It was never between you and them anyway.....



Until next time,

Loving me , Loving you, Loving life,
*smooches*

Me