i was inspired by my twin to do one of these...........titled "peace of me" b/c this writing thing is very therapeutic for me, brings a certain peace, when I let it all out..................get it? good
i live in a fantasy world so keep your reality away from me.....dreamer.....hopeless romantic [ and when i say hopeless i mean NO HOPE] love to give love but not too sure of how to receive it.reciprocity is a bitch......i AM happy. i am joy....a ball of contradictions: bitchy but sweet as pie [peach cobbler even, g-ma's at that]<-------rambling.........shy, but , cocky as hell when needed....a vixen in my own right......sassy..ocd about certain shit...dyslexic, but love to read and can solve math problems on sight................hate girly stuff but adore being a woman....can't jump double dutch but will dog you in basketball......flyest 16 you will ever meet.....want a wedding but not the marriage ( i think)...scared to death of fire......but love the smell of one burning....hate the winter, but love snow... spring/fall are my fave , seasons of visible change.......i hate that i cry at everything but very seldom show emotions..........i love people just because .........love to sing but you'll never hear it....i love my father despite his pitiful ass attempt at being a man....believe in love at first sight.....wealthiest, baddest ,broke bitch you have ever encoutered....i want to hold hands.......i love the chase....my personality is contagious , there should be a vaccine .....split personalities and alter egos.......don't care what you think about me but will ask your opinion......i lust..i am a gay man in a woman's body..want to be a housewife....the world is my stage , i am constantly holding auditions....label whore but not materialistic....i will just because....MY friends ( not yours) are the dopest bitties you will never meet....u hate me and i can give 2 shits ( maybe 3)....what GOD has for me is for me ( and your jealous because of it).......i fear no person........i love my mom past death cause there's life after it......i am life i'm royalty cause my Father's a king( take your bow).........
i love me ; how could you not?
*smooches*
me
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Tuesday, May 26, 2009
Self -Inventory
Greetings Family!!!
I've been gone for a minute, but I'm back like I left my car keys......
Today's vibe is going to be a little different for me......I've been going through sooo much for the past year, good and better. ( never bad, no negativity here).....
Pay attention ;I'm about to give you the goods......
A couple of months ago I made one of the biggest decisions in my entire life: I decided to pursue my dreams fulltime..With the advice of close friends, support from some, and inspiration of one, I chose to no longer use something else as a crutch or an excuse, in the delay of my personal pursuit of happiness....this has been a constant internal debate I've had for about a year now....don't get me wrong, I love my current job. I mean LOVE it..never a dull moment, met one of my closest friends there and I have grown soo much as a person, wouldn't trade the experience for the world; learning alot during this time in my life. and I felt like sharing....
LESSON #1
Now I have been going to church since I was a little girl, and absolutely loved it, still do.... I consider myself more spiritual than religious. As I've gotten older, gone through some situations , experienced some things, I feel this part of me has matured.....growing up in private school I've always known the very technical side of religion AND spirituality..where certain rituals/traditions come from, different parts that people and events played in the evolution of what we call religion and its denominations...but it hasn't been until the last couple of years that, that I have been able to experience God ( that's what I call him) through different eyes. I began praying,(talking to God) as if I was on the phone with one of my bf's. I mean cursing, crying, laughing, everything......And you know what I realized? that that is perfectly fine with Him....he never stated how to come, he just wants us to come, you know? I went through a period ,recently actually, where I didn't WANT go to church much, I went, but didn't WANT to be there; like God was watching me and I would disappoint HIM by not being there, like I'm doing HIM a favor(smh).... mine (my church that is) is going through some things, and I had everything negative in the world to say:every complaint in the world, from the length of service, to how the word /message was or wasn't being delivered (as if i could do better) , to the dry ass senior choir( and I do mean dry) to the crying ass newborns, who's mother wont take their whining asses out of the sanctuary. I mean I felt as if I wasn't getting anything out of service...wanted to look for a new church to go to, b/c something had to be wrong with these people......well let me just say when this Man speaks, if you're quiet long enough, answers will be revealed as clearly as the topcoat they put on your nails at the nail place. My answer: I wasn't getting anything OUT of church/service, because I wasn't bringing anything IN to the church/service; I couldn't find any joy in what was said and I wasn't receiving anything b/c I wasn't making myself available to receive it. I didn't have anytime to tell HIM how thankful I was for the food I had at home cause I was too busy complaining about being hungry; couldn't find a way to thank him for my career, cause i was too busy complaining about all the little things wrong with it; I wasn't paying attention to the words of the song because I was so pre-occupied with how it was being sung; Maybe that baby crying was a miracle in itself because she wasn't even supposed to make it passed her mother's womb; And those screams and that whining? may be her mother's only reminder that she has something to live for while she's contemplating suicide... I really came to realize that in order for a rainbow to come there has to be rain........so simple in words, but difficult in practice..
These , revelations we'll call them , opened my eyes to other areas in my life , like relationships ....
LESSON #2
Relationship: n., a connection, association, or involvement between one or more person or thing; a form of dependence....Our relationships with God or anyone/anything else shouldn't be one-sided; it's imperative that we bring something to them even if it's just oursleves....I am now learning to apply this to work, school and more importantly, my more intimate relationships ( this is another topic in itself). I'm learning to be patient and wait n God to move; talk less amd listen more; laugh more and enjoy things for what they are rather than complain and frown upon things not understood....I have a new found confidence in myself because I have realized who I am and the authority I was born with. We were all born with the same authority. I'm not ashamed of who I am , how I look, of making mistakes, or not knowing. Many of us are terrified of pursuing dreams and other goals because of fear of the unknown and/or inexperience. Inexperience is what makes a young man do what an older man says is impossible...Fear and faith can't reside in the same space , just as light can't exist in darkness....Hope is a wish, a longing for something not now possessed but with an expectation of getting it. Faith adds to the expectation of hope. Don't be afraid to hope or dream ; Start to pursue your happiness.....
I'm done rapping you up ,(for now) but ,I want to leave you with a poem, by Mother Theresa, I read daily( or try to at least): ( feel free to copy and paste)
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend time building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it's between you and God:
It was never between you and them anyway.....
Until next time,
Loving me , Loving you, Loving life,
*smooches*
Me
I've been gone for a minute, but I'm back like I left my car keys......
Today's vibe is going to be a little different for me......I've been going through sooo much for the past year, good and better. ( never bad, no negativity here).....
Pay attention ;I'm about to give you the goods......
A couple of months ago I made one of the biggest decisions in my entire life: I decided to pursue my dreams fulltime..With the advice of close friends, support from some, and inspiration of one, I chose to no longer use something else as a crutch or an excuse, in the delay of my personal pursuit of happiness....this has been a constant internal debate I've had for about a year now....don't get me wrong, I love my current job. I mean LOVE it..never a dull moment, met one of my closest friends there and I have grown soo much as a person, wouldn't trade the experience for the world; learning alot during this time in my life. and I felt like sharing....
LESSON #1
Now I have been going to church since I was a little girl, and absolutely loved it, still do.... I consider myself more spiritual than religious. As I've gotten older, gone through some situations , experienced some things, I feel this part of me has matured.....growing up in private school I've always known the very technical side of religion AND spirituality..where certain rituals/traditions come from, different parts that people and events played in the evolution of what we call religion and its denominations...but it hasn't been until the last couple of years that, that I have been able to experience God ( that's what I call him) through different eyes. I began praying,(talking to God) as if I was on the phone with one of my bf's. I mean cursing, crying, laughing, everything......And you know what I realized? that that is perfectly fine with Him....he never stated how to come, he just wants us to come, you know? I went through a period ,recently actually, where I didn't WANT go to church much, I went, but didn't WANT to be there; like God was watching me and I would disappoint HIM by not being there, like I'm doing HIM a favor(smh).... mine (my church that is) is going through some things, and I had everything negative in the world to say:every complaint in the world, from the length of service, to how the word /message was or wasn't being delivered (as if i could do better) , to the dry ass senior choir( and I do mean dry) to the crying ass newborns, who's mother wont take their whining asses out of the sanctuary. I mean I felt as if I wasn't getting anything out of service...wanted to look for a new church to go to, b/c something had to be wrong with these people......well let me just say when this Man speaks, if you're quiet long enough, answers will be revealed as clearly as the topcoat they put on your nails at the nail place. My answer: I wasn't getting anything OUT of church/service, because I wasn't bringing anything IN to the church/service; I couldn't find any joy in what was said and I wasn't receiving anything b/c I wasn't making myself available to receive it. I didn't have anytime to tell HIM how thankful I was for the food I had at home cause I was too busy complaining about being hungry; couldn't find a way to thank him for my career, cause i was too busy complaining about all the little things wrong with it; I wasn't paying attention to the words of the song because I was so pre-occupied with how it was being sung; Maybe that baby crying was a miracle in itself because she wasn't even supposed to make it passed her mother's womb; And those screams and that whining? may be her mother's only reminder that she has something to live for while she's contemplating suicide... I really came to realize that in order for a rainbow to come there has to be rain........so simple in words, but difficult in practice..
These , revelations we'll call them , opened my eyes to other areas in my life , like relationships ....
LESSON #2
Relationship: n., a connection, association, or involvement between one or more person or thing; a form of dependence....Our relationships with God or anyone/anything else shouldn't be one-sided; it's imperative that we bring something to them even if it's just oursleves....I am now learning to apply this to work, school and more importantly, my more intimate relationships ( this is another topic in itself). I'm learning to be patient and wait n God to move; talk less amd listen more; laugh more and enjoy things for what they are rather than complain and frown upon things not understood....I have a new found confidence in myself because I have realized who I am and the authority I was born with. We were all born with the same authority. I'm not ashamed of who I am , how I look, of making mistakes, or not knowing. Many of us are terrified of pursuing dreams and other goals because of fear of the unknown and/or inexperience. Inexperience is what makes a young man do what an older man says is impossible...Fear and faith can't reside in the same space , just as light can't exist in darkness....Hope is a wish, a longing for something not now possessed but with an expectation of getting it. Faith adds to the expectation of hope. Don't be afraid to hope or dream ; Start to pursue your happiness.....
I'm done rapping you up ,(for now) but ,I want to leave you with a poem, by Mother Theresa, I read daily( or try to at least): ( feel free to copy and paste)
People are often unreasonable, illogical and self-centered;
Forgive them anyway.
If you are kind, people may accuse you of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.
If you are successful you will win some false friends and some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.
If you are honest and frank, people may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway.
What you spend time building, someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway.
If you find serenity and happiness, they may be jealous;
Be happy anyway.
The good you do today people will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.
Give the world the best you have, and it may never be enough;
Give the best you've got anyway.
You see, in the final analysis, it's between you and God:
It was never between you and them anyway.....
Until next time,
Loving me , Loving you, Loving life,
*smooches*
Me
Thursday, May 21, 2009
A new day
First giving honor to God......lol!! Hey fam!!! I'm back
Let me begin, We have alot to cover today. A couple of "sightings", couple of violations, a little this a little that....
disclaimer: thi sis being used as my virtual diary, again My thoughts, My opinions
follow me: yesterday was an eventful one ( in more ways than one) .Event 1) my twin (Champ) made me aware that we have been working with Star Jones (pre -gastric) for a whole school year> when i say "pre"<>> moving on, so in she walks with this "tassled tank" and a comb back and *BAM* that was it: David Ruffin, From The Temptations, the movie..so in actuality SHE looks like LEON playing David Ruffin. I mean she's giving him a serious run for his money>>>> lady in the front office? Dead Ringer for Ms. Tobias, Lean on Me, yup that's her...... >>>>>lastly one of my students is definitely giving Katt Williams, flip( correction FLOPPED) ear bob. Pimp Chronicles 1 and 2......ok i'm done...for now
anywho............
This weekend passed , I had one of the most memorable weekends of my life. I was afforded the opportunity to attend THE POWDER GROUP'S Make Up convention in NY. Nothing short of AMAZING... Beat my face, Lay my hair, Snatch my brow, make sure my lashes are to HERE, cland close the MF-ing casket...I literally died an went to MAKE UP HEAVEN!!!!!!!! Fabulosity for days; not only the speakers and representatives but those in attendance: Red -bottoms , bags and beat faces GALORE!!!!!!!!!! The classes were just as interesting as the people: My absolute fave was conducted by the Queen of Snatch: Eugenia Weston of Senna Cosmetics. Let me tell you about Ms. Weston: not only did she break down the technicalities of eye brow "construction/de-construction" ( for lack of better words), but she gave points/angles of reference on the face , tips on filling in with powder and pencil, lessons on waxing vs. tweezing... I mean I could go on for DAYS....but the part in which I gagged [ no literally choked on my tongue, and after I swallowed my spit , threw up in my mouth again) SHE CHARGES $75.OO....FOR BROWS!! and she did not hesitate to tell us she has at LEAST 1,000 clients a week. [sidebar: calculations $75/person x 1,000 clients= $150,000 every 2 weeks.......( I'll wait for you to finish wiping the drool from your chin , cause I know your wouth is open) ].....Nevertheless, she has further motivated me in MY quest............ (PICS WILL BE POSTED ONCE I HAVE TIME TO UPLOAD TO THE COMPUTER)
My advice, whether you beat it like a cop, beat faces into boxes , or beat those masks to the ground; professional ,amateur or whatever category you put yourself in, I mean even if you just like to 'play' in make up, THIS show, event, experience is so neccessary to your well-being.................... I will keep you abreast of other dates and events. cool?....cool
As i prepare to serve the benediction, I leave you with words of wisdom and inspiration:
"If you're living in the past, you're living in a place that doesn't exist....."
Whatever you've been through, that's just it: you've been THROUGH it. You are no longer there...Everyday is a new day, full of possibilities, hope, and new experiences. That argument you had with your friend/signficant other/mom/boss? over it: The baby you had at 19, or the abortion you had last week? over ; the drugs you used or spouse you cheated on? over; the child you neglected/gave up/didn't know how to love? over. LEARN FROM IT;DON'T LIVE IN IT................Each day God chooses to wake you up, is a blank canvas.....take advantage of it...make the best of your TODAY your RIGHT NOW.....tomorrow is never promised....... .
Now. May the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart........LOL!!
Loving me, Loving you , Loving life
*muah*
Let me begin, We have alot to cover today. A couple of "sightings", couple of violations, a little this a little that....
disclaimer: thi sis being used as my virtual diary, again My thoughts, My opinions
follow me: yesterday was an eventful one ( in more ways than one) .Event 1) my twin (Champ) made me aware that we have been working with Star Jones (pre -gastric) for a whole school year> when i say "pre"<>> moving on, so in she walks with this "tassled tank" and a comb back and *BAM* that was it: David Ruffin, From The Temptations, the movie..so in actuality SHE looks like LEON playing David Ruffin. I mean she's giving him a serious run for his money>>>> lady in the front office? Dead Ringer for Ms. Tobias, Lean on Me, yup that's her...... >>>>>lastly one of my students is definitely giving Katt Williams, flip( correction FLOPPED) ear bob. Pimp Chronicles 1 and 2......ok i'm done...for now
anywho............
This weekend passed , I had one of the most memorable weekends of my life. I was afforded the opportunity to attend THE POWDER GROUP'S Make Up convention in NY. Nothing short of AMAZING... Beat my face, Lay my hair, Snatch my brow, make sure my lashes are to HERE, cland close the MF-ing casket...I literally died an went to MAKE UP HEAVEN!!!!!!!! Fabulosity for days; not only the speakers and representatives but those in attendance: Red -bottoms , bags and beat faces GALORE!!!!!!!!!! The classes were just as interesting as the people: My absolute fave was conducted by the Queen of Snatch: Eugenia Weston of Senna Cosmetics. Let me tell you about Ms. Weston: not only did she break down the technicalities of eye brow "construction/de-construction" ( for lack of better words), but she gave points/angles of reference on the face , tips on filling in with powder and pencil, lessons on waxing vs. tweezing... I mean I could go on for DAYS....but the part in which I gagged [ no literally choked on my tongue, and after I swallowed my spit , threw up in my mouth again) SHE CHARGES $75.OO....FOR BROWS!! and she did not hesitate to tell us she has at LEAST 1,000 clients a week. [sidebar: calculations $75/person x 1,000 clients= $150,000 every 2 weeks.......( I'll wait for you to finish wiping the drool from your chin , cause I know your wouth is open) ].....Nevertheless, she has further motivated me in MY quest............ (PICS WILL BE POSTED ONCE I HAVE TIME TO UPLOAD TO THE COMPUTER)
My advice, whether you beat it like a cop, beat faces into boxes , or beat those masks to the ground; professional ,amateur or whatever category you put yourself in, I mean even if you just like to 'play' in make up, THIS show, event, experience is so neccessary to your well-being.................... I will keep you abreast of other dates and events. cool?....cool
As i prepare to serve the benediction, I leave you with words of wisdom and inspiration:
"If you're living in the past, you're living in a place that doesn't exist....."
Whatever you've been through, that's just it: you've been THROUGH it. You are no longer there...Everyday is a new day, full of possibilities, hope, and new experiences. That argument you had with your friend/signficant other/mom/boss? over it: The baby you had at 19, or the abortion you had last week? over ; the drugs you used or spouse you cheated on? over; the child you neglected/gave up/didn't know how to love? over. LEARN FROM IT;DON'T LIVE IN IT................Each day God chooses to wake you up, is a blank canvas.....take advantage of it...make the best of your TODAY your RIGHT NOW.....tomorrow is never promised....... .
Now. May the words of my mouth, and the meditation of my heart........LOL!!
Loving me, Loving you , Loving life
*muah*
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
the makings of me......an informal introduction
Crazy, sexy, cool.....charismatic even..Words that I' ve heard ,( and actually liked *wink*) that have been used to describe me...WELCOME!!!!!!! to my thoughts, my feelings, and opinions on any AND EVERYTHING: make up, fashion, life, love, sex, sprituality, relationships, food.( you get the point) Enough already, to the juice:
I am 26 year old stallion, ( yup I said it) repeat: STALLION ,from the home of the Terrapins, Wizards, and Caps. Though I don't swear by the Zodiac, a pisces to the fullest extent .I'm trying this blog thing out because I have been told I have a very interesting view on life ,events and people involved...
BELOW ARE MY RULES OF ENGAGEMENT ( every relationship has standards right? state em up front...lesson 1 [we'll discuss inmore detail at a later date] )
SHOWTIME in : 5.....4.....3....2....
1) You may not always agree with my points of view but guess what, THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS!!! It's been a hell of a journey for me to get to the place where I can express myself freely, in words and actions, and not give a rat's ass about who agrees or disagrees. [* sidebar: I curse randomly; Especially if I feel it adds a better affect and gets my point across; They're just words, get over it]
2)I may ramble on about a topic, or even have random outbursts I like to mask under the word "sidebar" These will always be in [brackets ]. see #1 for example
3) I am very detail oriented, when I want to be, I will describe something until I feel you have a clear visual , like a digital camera (Nikon preferrably, my choice, COOLPIX<<<
4)I combine things and make up words, but vow to always give you the formula so you can understand the derivatives> Example: co-worker of mine has this particular pair of shoes: (follow me on this) they are k-swiss with grips on the sole; but not just any sole, a TIMBERLAND sole....( in know I gagged too) so I call them K-SWIMBS.
K-SWISS+ TIMBERLANDS (TIMBS)+ K-SWIMBS....got it?
5) and 6) My friends and I name people and can find a celebrity/ tv character look-a-like in anyone!! ( and I know character names and real names of EVERYONE) I use "circa" even when it's not a date/time period. EXAMPLE: "her hair was giving Sydney, circa House Party 1" so then you visualize natural hair with a "kelly kapowski" fringe, that looks as if it WAS pressed but has sweated out and there was an attempted revival of this mess..got it?
7) I play church, but am dead serious at the same time.. I will qoute a scripture, hymn, spiritual whenever I see fit..and I mean WHENEVER
8) tho i am a stickler 4 grammar , punctuation and sub/verb agreement, i sometimes get lazy and don't feel like thinking about that stuff. so if i miss something, GET OVER IT ,im sure you all werent spelling bee champs...
9) I am addicted to crime /mystery shows ie: CSI , Law and Order (all 35 of them), Criminal Minds etc..) so you will hear/see me say Exhibit A,B,C dependin gon the severity , I migh en dup at Z and back to A2 (squared)
10)I qoute songs and movies often.......
11) I strive to remain positive and find humor in all things
I hope you are as excited as I am!!
This should be fun
LOVE,
ME
P.S. all of my afterthoughts , even in person will be accompanied by "P.S."
I am 26 year old stallion, ( yup I said it) repeat: STALLION ,from the home of the Terrapins, Wizards, and Caps. Though I don't swear by the Zodiac, a pisces to the fullest extent .I'm trying this blog thing out because I have been told I have a very interesting view on life ,events and people involved...
BELOW ARE MY RULES OF ENGAGEMENT ( every relationship has standards right? state em up front...lesson 1 [we'll discuss inmore detail at a later date] )
SHOWTIME in : 5.....4.....3....2....
1) You may not always agree with my points of view but guess what, THAT'S YOUR BUSINESS!!! It's been a hell of a journey for me to get to the place where I can express myself freely, in words and actions, and not give a rat's ass about who agrees or disagrees. [* sidebar: I curse randomly; Especially if I feel it adds a better affect and gets my point across; They're just words, get over it]
2)I may ramble on about a topic, or even have random outbursts I like to mask under the word "sidebar" These will always be in [brackets ]. see #1 for example
3) I am very detail oriented, when I want to be, I will describe something until I feel you have a clear visual , like a digital camera (Nikon preferrably, my choice, COOLPIX<<<
4)I combine things and make up words, but vow to always give you the formula so you can understand the derivatives> Example: co-worker of mine has this particular pair of shoes: (follow me on this) they are k-swiss with grips on the sole; but not just any sole, a TIMBERLAND sole....( in know I gagged too) so I call them K-SWIMBS.
K-SWISS+ TIMBERLANDS (TIMBS)+ K-SWIMBS....got it?
5) and 6) My friends and I name people and can find a celebrity/ tv character look-a-like in anyone!! ( and I know character names and real names of EVERYONE) I use "circa" even when it's not a date/time period. EXAMPLE: "her hair was giving Sydney, circa House Party 1" so then you visualize natural hair with a "kelly kapowski" fringe, that looks as if it WAS pressed but has sweated out and there was an attempted revival of this mess..got it?
7) I play church, but am dead serious at the same time.. I will qoute a scripture, hymn, spiritual whenever I see fit..and I mean WHENEVER
8) tho i am a stickler 4 grammar , punctuation and sub/verb agreement, i sometimes get lazy and don't feel like thinking about that stuff. so if i miss something, GET OVER IT ,im sure you all werent spelling bee champs...
9) I am addicted to crime /mystery shows ie: CSI , Law and Order (all 35 of them), Criminal Minds etc..) so you will hear/see me say Exhibit A,B,C dependin gon the severity , I migh en dup at Z and back to A2 (squared)
10)I qoute songs and movies often.......
11) I strive to remain positive and find humor in all things
I hope you are as excited as I am!!
This should be fun
LOVE,
ME
P.S. all of my afterthoughts , even in person will be accompanied by "P.S."
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